Scales of War Quotes

[Palena]

1/16/10 Session:

Jenling: "You'd be surprised at how fast a dwarf can move."

Drunken Stumbling: "Move action. You move twice your speed and take a -10 penalty to defenses. At the end of your move, you roll a d20 and if it's lower than 10, you fall prone."

Gersh (to Neal): " He makes a great swinging arc and attacks both Aleiks and you. Or really, he attacks Aleiks and misses you. *rolls die* Or… I suppose he could miss both of you."

Gersh: "Gato, you are covered in ectoplasm. Don't cross the stream."

Zach: "I'm a one-turn kinda guy."
Neal: "That's what she said."
Zach: "Really? That's what she said?"

Zach: "Jemma has turned your boyfriend into a tool."
Rachael: "That's okay. It's not like Makaria hasn't done that already."
Neal: "Yeah, but I like it better when you do it."

Gersh:" Rupert, you have two near-death enemies. Choose your favorite and then insert your sword into his rectum."

Jenling: "Why don't we have Aleiks do a sneaky reconnaissance of the tunnel?"
Zach: "And get washed out?"
Rachael: *starts singing*
Neal: He's the itsy bitsy spider!

Jenling: "I think we should take the tunnel! It's sneaky and we're never sneaky! They wouldn't expect it!
Rachael: "She does have a point."

Jenling: "I have a convoluted mind. The spiral staircase pleases me."

Gersh: "Okay, this is a balcony. Everyone with me now?"
Party: "Yeah."
Gato: "What's a balcony?"
Gersh: *mock-punches Gato*

Gersh: "He's gonna whip the frog."
Zach: "Is that like spanking the monkey?"

Gersh: "Okay, it's the lasher's turn."
Zach: "He's prone and dazed."
Gersh: "Okay… The lasher stands up and contemplates life."

Jenling: "I have a 22 Charisma. I can omni-directionally vamp."

Jenling: "I shift away from the fuzzy."

Rachael: "I think I'm gonna hold onto that net for later."
Neal: "You can restrain me whenever you like."
Rachael: "Yeah, but it's not gonna be save ends."

Jenling: "I'M NOT BLIND!!!! I see him! And he's still hot!"

Neal: "I question your heritage!"
Gersh: "Says the half-elf."
Neal: Touche

Neal: "You know that I think that I know that I'm not a prince."

Gato: "I didn't swallow but it's in my mouth-"
Rachael: "That’s what she said."

Neal: "The paladin just made a point of order!"

Gersh: "This room is divided into two sections: To the south… Wait, that's not south…"

Gato: "There's a fine line between loathing and…"
Gersh: "Fucking?"

[Palena]

2/6/10 Session:

Zach: "Why the hell is Kalad swimming across the- Oh, that's just my memory."

Zade: "I never trust a dwarf without a Scottish accent."

Zade: "I agree with Makaria, it's a little ostentatious."
Jenling: "But if we make a big fuss, we might get in to see Durkik quicker."
Zade: "You're right, this place is filthy!"

Gersh: "This guy has the best ability ever. It's called 'Murder is a Team Sport'."

Jenling: "Jemma's going to roll an insight check."
Gersh: "To…?"
Jenling: *rolls low* "To her navel, apparently."

Jenling: "I'm going to jump over to the guy that's in awful shape."
Gersh: "Well, he's not in THAT awful of shape."
Zach: "He's vulnerable 5 all."
Gersh: "… He's in awful shape."

Jenling: "It's not paranoia if they're really out to kill you."

Neal: "8d6 + 10 damage."
Gersh: "He has 9 hit points."
Neal: "I don't care. That's 45 damage."

Gersh (to Rachael): "Make a bluffidate check."

Jenling: "I have a feeling that even before he was a doppleganger, he was an ass."

Rachael: "If I'm carrying a cleric, do I get a bonus to my Religion check?"

[Palena]

2/21/10 Session:

Zach (using ghostsound): Your wife was great last night!

Rachael: Rupert, I'm not paying your medical bills!
Gersh: Yes you are! You're the healer!

Neal: I'm not sure D&D has rules for biological warfare.

[Palena]

4/10/10

Jen: I can't remember my parentage. Neither of me can.

Rachael: Rupert looks at the face of Moradin and says "I'm with her."
Gersh: The face of Moradin says "Hmmm..." and make me a diplomacy check.
Rachael: Rupert crits. So that's a 33.
Gersh: Damnit, I was hoping you would fail because I had something great to say.

Gersh: Having a Sean Connery accent gives you a +2 circumstance bonus.

Face of Moradin: I'm not convinced.
Zach: Really? Because I lied very convincingly.

Rachael (to Jen): You be the good cop and I'll be the bad cop.
Zach: Wait, what?

Jen: How do you know when you've found it?
Gersh: It's a big book and it makes you feel tingly.
Jen: I have big books.
Gersh: Well... Do they make you feel tingly?
Jen: Well... Sometimes, late at night...

[Palena]

7/10/10

Gersh: Two characters...
Jen: Both alike in dignity?

Zach: Kylar says "GET OFF MY LAWN!"

Gersh: God damnit, Neal! Stop rolling 9s on a d8!

Rachael: Well if you touch yourself while you're standing next to me...

----

Plake: General Zithirun? That sort of sounds like Zithromax... Do they call him Lord Z-pack?

Rachael: I guess that since you're killing people and helping out, I'll heal you.
Zach: Remind me to thank you properly later.
Rachael: Well, then...
Jen: Gemma flips you off.
Rachael: Who's the healer, bitch?

Jen: I push him into the fire 4 squares after he dies.
Zach: Vorandil says "Nice!"
Rachael: Makaria flips you off.
Jen: Who's the striker, bitch?

Zach: 31
Rachael: 27
Jen: 26
Zade: 42
Gersh: *pauses in writing*
Zade: What? It's the answer to everything, right?

Zade: Any rule that hinders me is lame.

Plake on assassins' shrouds: We're cookin', we're cookin', we're cookin'.... and now we're servin'.

Plake: She's bloodied but for Kord's sake those are still breasts!

----------

9/5/10

Jen: Minor action: Mage hand, I get myself some turkey.

Angela: Gemma?
Jen: What? You get two names and I don't?

Angela: Alora rolls her eyes, but you can't see it because she has no pupils.

Angela: The Underdark is not a nice place.
Jen: Neither is the Over... Light... whatever it is.

Gersh: Nothing funny.
Jen: That's okay, I have absolutely no sense of humor.
*pause*
Jen: *grins*

[Palena]

Angela (to Rachael): Your assassins on leashes are looking at you.

Zach (to Angela): I don't know about you, but I hate being left in the dark.
Neal: You're telling this to a drow.

Neal: This will only end in tears.

[Palena]

Neal: So were you guys... close?
Rachael: Define close.
Neal: I need more ale.

-----

Zach: Spank him in the face.

Jen: Sorry, but you're goign to have to rebuild your zoo.
Rachael: And you'll probably want a new tower while you're at it.

Gersh: please put your short sword back in your sheath.

Plake: Jesus has nothing to do with this!
Neal: Says the Catholic to the Jew.

----

2/12/11

Plake: You can tell these are adult dragons. Why? Because his testicles are roughly the size of my cranium.

Gersh: They're not showered.
Plake: They're clean, but aren't wearing cologne.

Zach: And the female dragon says: "Domestic Abuse!"

Gersh: Give me one reason why he wouldn't just shake you off.
Zach: He's dominated.
Gersh: Oh... THAT guy!

Gersh: So your reflex is pretty good, right?
Zach: Yep.
Gersh: 29 vs your Fortitude.

Gersh: He raises his ocular ridge in your general direction.

Gersh: You conjured a planar gateway.
Jen: Yes. It just stands there for now. There's an opportunity action. I'll let you know.
Gersh: Okay...
Jen: I missed with my succubus. Is it his turn yet?
Gersh: Yes, it's his turn.
Jen: Oh look! He started his turn adjacent to a planar gateway!

Gersh: What are you doing to my dragons?!

Plake: *looks at female dragon; points to male dragon* You know, even with his ass hanging out, he did better than you.

Plake: So much for your canopy keeping the light of MY god out.

Neal: By the way, the dragon is subject to my divine sanction until yes.

Plake: Healing word, healing word... Oh, that's a minor!
Gersh: Then don't serve them beer.

[Palena]

I was sifting through old e-mails and found old, old, old quotes from the very first session of Scales, courtesy of Gato:

Rachael: I am leaving.

Neal: We really need to get a new guest to play [Jelissa] because it's freaking me out.
Angela: It's either Gersh or Nick.

Jenling: You can tell this room is evil because it's symmetrical.

Neal: She's not piggy back.
Gato: Fine. She's riding you side-saddle.

Neal: To Jelissa: Get off!
Jenling: That's what she's trying to do!

Neal: *Clank Clank Clank*

Re: The columns
Rachael: They don't block line of sight, don't provide cover, you can step in their square...so they're really only good for pole dancing.

Jenling: I'm good...I'm sweet!
Gato: You're Welsh!

Nick: But he's so cute and cuddly!

Nick: He kicks you in the groin.
Neal: *Clang*
Jenling: He has a metal codpiece.

Jenling: I want a horde of little hobgoblin minions that I rule by fear.

Neal: *Runs Hobgoblin through*
Gato: *glare* Kill stealer.

Neal: I killed him. I'm sitting in his chair.

Angela: You know, he surrendered. You shouldn't have killed him.
Neal/Rachael: So?

Jalissa: Rupert! That's the boy! Please, rescue him for me!
Gato: Yes, Rupert! Please, rescue him for me!
Neal: *dirty look*
Rachael: *Leaves to avoid laughter*

Angela: What kind of check does it take to undo a rope?
Gato: Thievery? Dungeoneering? Dagger?

Gersh: The challenge here is to protect the civilians...which are currently your front line defense.

Angela: The zombie still takes half damage.
Gersh: That might destroy him.
Angela: It's radiant.
Gersh: That WILL destroy him.

Jenling: Mine is annoying. Yours is assault and battery.

Neal: Blind people to the back of the bus.

Jenling: Okay. Update of the rules: Don't step on the pretty, colored tiles.

Jenling: Andy, Update of the rules: Don't step in the glowing water.

Jenling: She's lagging, so I think we're okay.
Gato: Must be a dial-up connection.

Jenling: Is the gnome a named character that has to die?

Neal: I get to play?

Gersh: The skeleton boned his attack.

Gersh: It has the ability to do that. It has legs.
Rachael: You should cut OFF his legs.

Neal: Jalissa's fine. She's asleep.

[gatocello]

6/11/11 Session
Jenling: "We're dead! We're flipping dead. I'm going to raise the bastard and kill him again!"
~
Neal: "I like this view!"
Gersh/Rachael: "She's wearing pants!"
Gersh: "Slap Rupert with your tail."
Rachael: "She will. She took the feat!"
Jenling: "Just because you took the feat doesn't mean you can justify using it for mild bondage..."
~
Gersh: "The warrior goes first and he thinks he's super cool."
Zach: "He's wrong."
~
Neal: "Oh yeah, attack the big people...that's smart."
Gersh: "He's not the smartest knife in the drawer."
~
Gersh: "And [enemy] will attack you...a 26."
Jenling: "Staff of Defense. Misses."
Gersh: "Aww..."
Jenling: "What were you expecting?! 'Oh, yeah. Please, hit me!'"
Rachael: "Well, yes."
~
Neal: [referring to tokens that say 'Minion']: I think these are minions!
~
Jenling: "Neal, smack him!"
Neal: "I will just as soon as I figure out what this thing DOES!"
~
Gersh: "Why is it a -3?"
Neal: "Because it SAYS -3!"
Gersh: "That's weird. It's normally -2."
Neal: "Oh, nevermind. It IS -2."
~
Rachael: "Does anybody need healing."
Gersh: "I haven't HIT anybody yet!"
Rachael: "Oh look! All of my allies are within five of me."
Gersh: "I always get worried when the leader says that."
~
Jenling: "Oh no! He just teleported into a square adjacent to the planar gateway."
~
Jenling: "Hey, YOU were the one who teleported him into a square adjacent to a planar gateway!"
Gersh: "Hey! It was a good move!"
Gato: "For whom, Jemma?!"
~
Rachael: "The things I do for my party..."
Jenling: "OH COME ON...I GOT YOU OUT OF A FLANK!"
~
Neal: "I love it when she displays her weapon."
Gersh: "I love it when she displays YOUR weapon!"
~
Jenling: "One hit and I'm bloodied." *out of nowhere* "Makaria...I'm sorry!"
~
Rachael: Re: giving healz to Jemma. "You'd better be on your knees BEGGING."
~
Rachael: "I look over at Sally and sigh in anguish..."
Jenling: "You'd have done the same to me...you don't like me that much."
Rachael: "Okay, she has a point."
~
Gersh: "And the Githyanki and Shadarkai all disappear!"
Neal: "How are we supposed to teabag the corpses..."
~
"I'm on a mote!"
~
Neal: "29! I am suddenly VIGILANT!"
Jenling: "What did [Makaria] do? Slap you?"
~
Rachael: "That was a summon spell! What did you summon?!"
Jenling: "Half the time I don't even know!!"
~
Jenling: "Look over here! You can see both of us, right!"
Zach: "I don't know can I?"
~
Gersh: "And as Sally waves her hand the entire battlefield disappears like an etch-a-sketch."
Neal: "Hey! I disappeared!"
Everybody: *stare*
Neal: "The OTHER me!"
~
Gersh: "Alright, how am I going to explain this."
Neal: "Carefully"
Zach: "Accurately"
Rachael: "Clearly"
Jenling: "Understandably"
Rachael: "Precisely"
Jenling: "Succinctly"
Neal: "Ironically"
Zach: "Sarcastically"
Gato: "Indubitably!"
Gersh: Organically
Zach: Synthetically
~
Zach: "Instead of thinking happy thoughts, Vorandil is thinking murderous thoughts."
~
Gersh: "If we were still using XP, you'd get +5."
~
Neal: "I'm resistant to fire."
Zach: *hops up onto Rupert's shoulders*
~
Jenling: "We were going to combine our knowledge of the fact that this was a trick with psychic energy"
Rachael: "That sounds much more complicated than what I did."
~
Jenling: As Jemma: "That seems out of character for me..."
Zach: "The 4th wall goes, 'oww..'"
~
Gersh: "Alright. Despite your best efforts, you passed that one."
~
Gersh: *exposition*
Jenling: *gasp* "I can use all of my powers!"
~
Neal: "Which tentacle did you cut off? That would demoralize ME pretty quickly..."
~
Zach: "I'm uninjured!"
Gersh: "A pebble hits you, you take one damage."